the way he made her feel was different (she thought) than any way she’d felt before seeing as every other guy wanted only to make love (recalling the horrid cartoon a reminder that men’s hearts are wandering spirits wandering down into the pants that is) and this guy, well this guy, this guy seemed really to like her her as she was and not her as she was trying to be to fit into the perception she’d drawn for herself or discovered etched into a wall somewhere (the great wall of being she thought laughing) and she kept going to back to that memory that image etched similarly into her memories of this guy saying to her “oh great now i know what you like” as though that was somehow important, that he wanted to please her, wanted to know what made her happy;
and it’s not like she was a playa (“a” for the feminine); rather she believed in that theory of love made by the famous philosopher of the moment or at least communicated by him in which true romantic love can take place only in a triad; there is no such thing as love in marriage; love necessarily exists on the outskirts of that mundane city we call The Institution of Marriage as though it’s doing anything at all for so-called “Family Values”
no, she thought, it would be much better if we could love whom we wanted and didn’t have that drive towards monogamy that ruins everything, that turns the dearest and most loving companionship into a dictatorship from hell; controlling one another is what we spend most of our time doing, she thought
…morosely, of course, being that she wanted desperately for it to recover and regain its full flowering blossom of the morning, can’t-keep-our-hands-off-each-other eyes locked hearts beating like you wouldn’t believe
well enough with the cliches, that phase of my life is over, at least until i get with this next guy is what she thought to herself on that rainy wednesday afternoon feeling full of regret and anticipation
“that was the last time we went to school and thought that we would be safe there is no safety anymore only observation and therein we find our freedom anyhow that’s what she said to him when he went back to the encampment on the banks of the Ganges hoping for something greater than he had seen in his few years in Portland in college studying metaphysics there was nowhere to go but down into the great abyss of utter and total wretchedness (having seen it all)”
"To attain knowledge, add things everyday. To attain wisdom, remove things every day."
-
Laozi (via luniversale)
Agreed just drop it all let it all go
Quitting smoking and fatty fat fat
Fat. Fat! Fat fat fat. Fat fat fat.
Broken record!
Feeling fat. Did I mention that I’m feeling fat?
I’m quitting smoking. 19 days now. Fatty mcFat fat.
Can’t stop eating. Would give anything (except my health) to have cigs instead of gaining all this weight. “Oh, you don’t need to gain weight when you quit smoking,” people say. “Just eat carrot sticks!”
Yeah. Carrot sticks. Not working for me. Try A MILLION VEGAN PASTRIES
Clothes are all feeling a bit snug. Every day I promise myself that I’ll eat less the next day, but then I feel so uncomfortable that the only thing that makes me feel better is sugary snacks.
I hate quitting smoking
The end
Love Jane
